(T)hat (H)oe (O)ver (T)here

You may ask yourself, “Well, how did I get here?” – Talking Heads

So often I ask myself how did I get from running a twitter account dedicated to specific NHL/NFL teams to running a marginally successful porn blog? I don’t have daddy issues, I don’t have low self esteem but I really love sex.

So how did I go from being a middle aged, resort wearing wife, mother of two, professional woman to posting daily naked selfies on the internet?

I pondered this most recently as I overheard my daughter and her four teenage friends giggling about how one of their moms didn’t know what a THOT was and they quickly went to the source of all accuracy for the definition…urban dictionary.

As I listened to my daughter read the definition to her friends to their squealing delight, I thought to myself that “I resemble that.”

And then I thought of my judgment as I used to run my twitter account of girls that posted semi-nude selfies that they must have “issues.” But where they only showed a bit of nipple or all of their breast, well I went a lot further. I would often shake my head and say, a picture last forever on the internet and that they’ll regret it later. (Ok, this is when we add “famous last words.”)

Of course, I started like them with my toe in the proverbial water so to speak. I started with my breasts on tumblr. I justified it that I had really no followers, a few bots, I am in safe mode and who will look at middle age woman?

And what I discovered was that I loved the rush. The excitement of taking the photo, editing it and that split second where you decide “do I really want to post this?” And you hit post throwing all caution to the wind.

Then the exhilaration of seeing yourself on your feed or even better someone else’s blog with all the other sexual creatures that you find just as intriguing. You realizing you are just as hot as fuck as they are and better yet, real.

I got a bit more daring and distinguished myself as I was slightly witty and evidently had a higher than average sex drive for a woman and that was pretty attractive for men aged 38-65. That led to interaction and validation and a cycle on repeat.

I started to embrace my curves and learned that my pink pussy was pretty and worth sharing. And on the “old” tumblr, one thing is guaranteed, you get followers the old fashioned way through full frontal nudity and frank discussion about how often and how you like sex. But let’s face it, full frontal nudity gets you followers.

Did I feel sexy? Fuck yes! Did I hook up with the followers? Hell no!

What posting on the internet gave me the ability was to love my body on days I was dealing with bloat or days I was at goal weight because I owned the confidence to post every single picture. And I could find pieces of me that were super sexy that day.

And there were three things I learned: a genius at Apple created the hidden folder, I am one sexy lady because I am me and I wish I could walk around with the I-phone vivid filter 24/7.

And I owe those girls an overdue and rather large apology…

– The Girl

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