Owners Manual?

So one thing I have learned after being with the same person for 20 years and then opening up is there isn’t a guide on how to do it.

There is “Excel for Dummies” but where’s the equivalent for open marriage?

Without that, I went to the two places I trust most, fetlife forums and my gut. I posed a question on fet and actually got some really, good honest responses from men and my target responders, women. I also got to meet a lovely person who was the same stage as me and we have started corresponding.

But mostly, I went with the guiding principles on how I would want to be treated as I am extending this to my husband as well. And, I want him always to know that he is my sole emotional relationship. That I still want to have sex with him frequently but there’s kinks I have that he’s not into and I want to explore them.

I am a confident woman. With that said, it’s interesting as I am oblivious to attention. I have described myself many times as plain, but I neglect to mention I am curvy as fuck in those dresses and I am not afraid of the discreet cleavage and showing off my long legs. But if anyone notices, I have no clue.

Things have changed in 20 years. As an example, online dating didn’t really exist as it was called personal ads in weekly newspapers and now everyone meets everyone online.

So what I am going to do, well I am going to continue going to look for swingers opportunities with my husband and cross my fingers that maybe by chance the kinkster into girls with strapons on fet might notice our mutual kink one day and think she might be interesting to talk to.

Until then I just have my toe in the water and shop for anklets…

– The Girl


  1. I am of the opinion that you never stop learning to be a person, there’s no one size fits all rule for any element of your life, we are all winging it essentially. As long as you are honest and communicate you should be okay. It does sound like that’s what you are doing anyway


      1. The things we do not say, often carry the most weight, am glad you have been able to unburden yourself and I hope that this opens up more joy in your life.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s very interesting that you had/have to figure this out and that it’s a completely new sort of learning experience, indeed with no manual! I can’t really imagine what it’s like, but it’s nice to get a little bit of an insight. Also personal adds in weekly newspapers? hahaha, how times have changed!


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