To Be Or Not To Be…

This time, baby, I’ll be 
Bulletproof
 – LaRoux

Yesterday, I lost my job. It was never a good fit and I hated it within a few weeks of being hired. I simply made the cardinal mistake of showing it.

Never in my adult life have I been unemployed. I didn’t expect it, but I am grateful in a way that they pulled the trigger as I wouldn’t have.

I was miserable in my role, giving 60-70 hours per week to a job I didn’t enjoy. Constantly stressed that I would miss something and my team would get called out for something. They were great people in an environment that lacked structure and processes, always cleaning up for the people that came before us.

In this job I became a shell of my former self, allowing myself to grow angry easily with my husband and children to the point they didn’t recognize me. I wasn’t just ineffective at work but home too.

Additionally, I started to use sex as a stress reliever and not for pleasure. I needed my ass spanked harder and more frequently to take my brain off the mind-numbing situations at work that just served to stress me out and set me off.

Even in a job I hated, I needed someone to make the decision for me to leave. Would it have been nice to leave on my own terms? Yes. But in the end, I am glad I am out.

In the next few weeks, I hope to find a job better suited for me and my talents. I hope to find leadership that inspires me and values my contributions. People that I actually want to work for and support.

In the meantime, I can enjoy the waning days of Summer vacation and work on the projects I have put off due to the many deadlines at work that took priority over my personal life.

And, I will actually invest in me for a change and that may be my smartest decision yet…

– The Girl

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