Resilience

But it’s been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race
And I ain’t gonna lose

– Queen

I know I posted lyrics from “We are the Champions” before but it’s really become my motto during this time of unemployment.

I realize I have made poor decisions in the past two years work wise. One decision was made out of fear and the other out of frustration.

Both are not positions of strength to make life decisions from and one should never underestimate their value when pursuing a career move or sacrifice their values.

I own that I did things to get myself removed from my last position. I didn’t play the game right. I didn’t sit and smile and be a duck and allow everything roll off my back.

To paraphrase Mark Manson, I gave way too many fucks.

But in these past six weeks I have focused on what I want, need and most importantly bring to the table. I have realized how I could have handled things better and what fights I should have just walked away from.

To quote Queen, “I’ve done my sentence
But committed no crime.” Well my crime was working too much and not having the strength to know when to walk away.

So let’s fast forward to yesterday where I had an interview and had a man interview me in shorts after I was told to dress professionally and conservatively. To be fair they were nice shorts from Vineyard Vines. I know this as my son wore the same pair to middle school earlier in the week.

He proceeded to tell me that I had all the technical qualifications that he could ever ask for but I have obviously made mistakes recently in my career decisions and that I needed to take ownership for them as I was the common denominator in the “fit issues.”

I didn’t want to inform him that during my imposed exile from the work place that I have served my penance through self reflection. I have taken responsibility for my actions while not attributing blame to others. As my therapist will often remind me, “I can only control my response to others.”

He also insinuated I was a work alcoholic and since I am expected to model effective behavior, I would need to tamper that as the younger people that would report to me have other things important to them in their lives other than work. (I also realized I’d be the oldest person in the company in my late 40’s).

He asked me where I wanted to be in five to ten years and I knew I have reached a bit of enlightenment when I didn’t reply “not working for you…”

– The Girl