1. a person devoted to physical, especially sexual, pleasure.
  2. “a dedicated sensualist”

– Oxford Dictionary

Today as I drove the 75 mph highway from the southern tip of Texas to my suburban abode, I thought back to what a beautiful day it turned out to be.

My daughter and I took a slight detour and went to the state beach before we embarked home from a weekend away. She often scoffs at my “beach bag” in the trunk with its sunscreen and multiple towels but today she was grateful. My trunk even had an errant swimsuit that I bought at Target six months ago that I kept in the car for my “first world” emergencies.

The sky was blue, the water clear and the sand felt delightful between my toes.

But as I drove home with her sleeping in the backseat, slurping on my Bomb Pop, singing to my cranked up radio and occasionally wiping sand from my neck or leg, I thought of how I identify as a sensualist.

What that definition means to me is I use my senses and enjoy physical pleasure. But what I learned is not everyone takes a woman seriously when she enjoys the kind of sex I do and is a feeler.

Today, the sounds of the waves, sun on my body, salt water lapping against my mermaid tattoo and the crunch of my toes on the sand made me yearn for physical presence and pleasure. But I reflected during my drive on the things that grind those yearnings to a screeching halt.

And in no particular order:

Liars – I understand that people outside the “lifestyle” probably look to us within it as a raging free for all, devoid of rules and boundaries. But nothing is further from the truth, we have parameters that we develop as couples and that we live by. My open marriage has guiding principles that we agreed upon and live by.

I understand that people are going to lie as it’s human nature especially judging by my son. I simply choose not to be with them as there has to be an element of trust in the sex I like and want outside of the confines of my primary relationship.

My favorite one is when people lie about their spouse. I do not care if you have a wife (or husband), unless honestly I want to fuck them as well. They are a non-entity to me in any equation (unless I want to fuck them too).

If you are cheating on your spouse (and especially if you pursued me), that’s between the two of you in my eyes.

I wouldn’t want people thinking about me while fucking my husband. I just want them to respect our basic rules and get one another off.

So lying about your marital status just makes me wonder what else you are lying about. And I have a furtive imagination.

Fake Daddy’s/Doms – Here again, it’s someone pretending to be something they really aren’t. It’s an act and to me just a form of dishonesty. If you aren’t really what you purport to be, how can I trust you to take care of me in a submissive state?

Low Self-Esteem – I am not looking to prop you up over your weight, cock size, performance, etc. I have a primary relationship where we can be vulnerable about our insecurities, I am not looking to be that for you too.

In general, I am not a play thing for you to think you can take advantage of. As long as you don’t underestimate me you can have access to a really hidden gem….Me.

– The Girl


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