Leaving Without Saying Goodbye…

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. And like that, he’s gone.

– The Usual Suspects

I never chatted online with anyone prior to Tumblr. I remember when my “cyber cherry” was popped by my first friend, I didn’t know whether to be ashamed or exhilarated or both.

You see this particular person could see The Girl’s wants and needs and knew how to chat with her to make her feel special. He would tell me about his life and sexual activities with his wife.

How he spoke about “Mrs. E” would make me envious that he was just so in awe of her but also made me admire her. At one point, he said with no false bravado, “I bet you want to fuck her too.”

We would have hour long chats as I often cannot sleep after sex and we just shoot the breeze. But he understood the “little” in me and the need for a top and often would take on that role just to get me over the edge.

One day I am chatting away with “E” and then poof he’s gone. Me never knowing what happened to him but missing the musings that start with “waves hello.”

I asked the other woman he chatted with if she had heard from him and alas she had not. We both knew of the other and both relished in how respectful he was in his admiration of us as sexually confident and fulfilled women, not concerned with the judgment of others.

I had another friend “Mr. T” that I remarked about E’s sudden departure and he’s casually stated that’s the nature of the game. One day we will stop messaging and the other will never know why but it’s just the nature of our relationships on the internet.

And that literally made me cry as T was someone that I felt comfortable expressing my highs and lows of the lifestyle with. He did not judge me and really only started speaking to me as my story of closeted, professional who finally decided to stop hiding her urges and desires resonated in his personal situation.

He was a man who loved his wife, thought she was sexually exquisite and wanted her to live out her desires without stigma. And talking to me was a way to learn how one woman did that and blossomed.

And like that, T was gone.

What I miss most about is not how they made me feel but the way they spoke of their wives. Some may say that just talking to a woman outside their marriage is cheating but there was never an intention of meeting on any of our parts. We were just people that saw that the other had something we needed at that time to make us think differently about ourselves.

I spoke with both of these people for years, counted them as friends and really all I want is them to know I was grateful for their friendship and our time “together”….

– The Girl

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