Hopelessly Devoted to Me…

There are worse things I could do
Than go with a boy or two
Even though the neighborhood
Thinks I’m trashy and no good
I suppose it could be true
But there are worse things I could do
I could flirt with all the guys
Smile at them and bat my eyes
Press against them when we dance
Make them think they stand a chance
Then refuse to see it through
That’s a thing I’d never do
I could stay home every night
Wait around for Mr.Right
Take cold showers every day
And throw my life away
On a dream that won’t come true
I could hurt someone like me
Out of spite or jealousy
I don’t steal and I don’t lie
But I can feel and I can cry
A fact I’ll bet you never knew
But to cry in front of you
That’s the worst thing I could do
– Stockard Channing

The other day while living my best life in my corner of naughty Tumblrville, I came across a meme with Rizzo in full pink lady regalia and the following, “While watching Grease as kid and thinking you’d grow up to be like Sandy and now realizing you’re Rizzo.”

That made me think because Rizzo is truly my favorite character and to me the most honest.

Grease came out when I was 7 and I think I watched it everyday on our VCR. I knew every song, worshipped Sandy and had no clue what a “twentyfive cent insurance package” was that you pull out of your jean pocket in the backseat of a car.

I also thought that everyone sang throughout their day and was sad to realize life really wasn’t a musical.

I rewatched the film in college when I was 19, fully aware of what condoms are and also seeing Rizzo in a new light. We all knew girls like her in middle and high school. Their reputations tarnished but not the guy’s who fucked them. But really it takes two to tango and well Rizzo just really enjoyed dancing.

And that double standard is still alive and well today as I do believe it’s difficult to be a woman who openly loves sex. There’s a deviancy to us that is so unsettling to the world at large.

I tried to live a vanilla life and not embrace my kinks. I wore my pencil skirts and silk blouses and ballet flats every day to work and kept quiet at office Happy Hours.

I went to the jewelry parties hosted by the moms of my kid’s friends and basically ended up with a lot of jewelry and no friends. I even was invited to a sex toy party where I purposefully underscored myself on the “how many of us had done this before” game.

I turned to my Magic Wand daily for those soak the bed orgasms as I knew that was the closest thing I’d come to fulfillment. I was anguished that I was a squirter. And in the process, I got a numb clit to go with my costume jewelry.

But the only person I was really being dishonest to, was me. I let the view of others and trying to fit in get the better part of many years. And that was the real crime.

So, I still go to work well accessorized in my pencil skirts and ballet flats, but know that it’s only the armor of this kinky slut…

– The Girl

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