In With the New…

Here we are now going to the east side
I pick up my friends and we start to ride
Ride all night we ride all day
Some may come and some may stay

– Moby

I have been told on more than one occasion by couples in the lifestyle that the longer they are in it, the more they phase out their vanilla friends and just keep those in the lifestyle.

At first, I didn’t understand it but I am slowly coming around to their way of thinking at least where couples are concerned.

It’s a given that most people do not actively discuss their sex life in polite society, but it is common for friends to ask what you have been up to lately.

So a house party where people openly swap partners becomes a party at a friend’s house or going to the swingers club becomes a night out dancing.

You start to sanitize your activities and look somewhat dumb or cagey when people press you for particulars like “what club?” and your response is “oh one on the east side of town that I don’t remember the name of.” Or “how did you meet them?” which is always “via friends of friends.”

You also start to have two “going out” wardrobes. The vanilla wardrobe and then the body conscious one that has access to all the right places for when the mood strikes to be naughty. I really prefer the latter and find myself having the most fun thinking about what I am going to wear out to my lifestyle “events”.

I realized it the most recently when I sat next to a friend in the lifestyle and we were openly feeding each other Jell-O shots and kissing at a midtown bar and it was honestly me and my attraction to her. No pretense, just two women who like each other’s company as well as their husbands.

My husband remarked the next day that it was so fun to watch me flirt with her and we really need to see them more often.

And then he uttered the infamous “I can see why people start to gravitate to their lifestyle friends.”

What I enjoyed the most about that evening (other than her as frankly I adore her and her nipple in my mouth) was that we could freely talk about our jobs, kids and social activities such as the house party my husband and I were planning to attend this weekend. And how they invited a couple they play with regularly to be their guests at a New Years Eve party and that I was super excited to meet up in a few weeks with a couple I have played with previously and was super excited to introduce the husband to our fun. All of this stated in the open without jealousy or recriminations.

So yes, I am starting to get why people phase out the vanilla from their lives as one of the most compelling parts of my sexual journey is to be open and embraces the choices I make as a consenting adult…

– The Girl

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