The Dance Off…

Do you wanna dance?

Or do you wanna dance?

– Thomas Crown

First off I want to say how much I have always loved and appreciated The Thomas Crown Affair remake as it celebrated age appropriate people who clearly liked to fuck each other.

I mentioned a few posts back that I have started taking dance classes. One style I am enjoying is my tap class. I have no coordination but can laugh that off and similar to Zumba and belly dance classes, I keep going and lead with my boobs when I am unsure of the move.

But this class as made me realize how much I tap dance around my real life.

I am in a marriage that has become a friendship and partnership in running a household. Last night, I accepted that fully and actually feel better for it.

My husband was remarking about how marriage is work and I agreed. He told me about a friend who is having problems and his wife recently moved back in to the guest room after living separately. I don’t know if he thought it was a positive sign but I just told him that she pays for the house and probably didn’t want to piss away what she worked so hard for.

I have wanted a divorce for so long as I have felt more alone with him than when away from him.

I am no longer resentful of not being “in love” and craving a romantic relationship and not having it. Do I love my husband? Yes. Am I in love with him? No, and I haven’t been for years. Would I love to freely be myself with a man and not be an uptight bitch? Hell yes!

We are in an open marriage and we definitely have different views of the partners that we select. He taught me the term NSA the other night and that sums up my preferred outside sexual partner.

He is a FWB kind of guy and I had to break it to him, I don’t really believe those can exist. I hope for his sake that I am wrong.

He told me recently how jealous he was of the guy I fucked outside of our marriage and so I decided we close my piece of it and he can fuck whomever he pleases. I could do this as I don’t think sex is really a demonstration of emotion. It’s a physical release to me. I have not had any emotional response when I fuck anyone, my husband included.

He accused me of being jealous of the lady he’s interested in. I am not jealous of her, he tells me a little too much information and I worry about their boundary issues. I also didn’t want to be included in a package deal so he could get her husband on board.

Last night, we renegotiated some of our guiding principles as I want to have a fulfilling sex life with someone other than myself. He gets to spend more (as I have been silly and paid my half of “dates”) and since he is meeting women out of town he can stay out overnight. What do I get? I am no longer required to fuck him a minimum time per week nor have to participate with him in the lifestyle.

And what I get the most of out of this is to actually behave like my husband’s friend for a change and I get to dance…

– The Girl

4 Comments

  1. This post made me confused and relieved in more than one way.

    I tho you had a fulfilling marriage and tbr openness came just as a curiosity not as a cope mechanism to keep going as it is for me.

    Sometimes I fantasize how it would be to divorce and finally experience a relationship with other adult without kids and bills involved…

    Like

    1. I think often I kid myself about my life. Are my husband and I miserable, no. But are we well suited to bring out the best in each other, sadly no.

      Do I love him and enjoy vanilla sex with him? Yes. But I do want passion and romance and to enjoy the quiet times.

      Like

  2. Well, we are in the same boat, my problem is that as a demisexual i can’t have ONS or NSA and consequently having sex with my husband, who became to me a friend and a partner with whom a raise kids, is painful, but I love him in a platonic way…..

    Like

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