So You Wanna….

Wendy let me in, I wanna be your friend
I want to guard your dreams and visions
Just wrap your legs ’round these velvet rims
And strap your hands across my engines
Together we could break this trap
We’ll run till we drop, baby we’ll never go back
Oh, will you walk with me out on the wire?
`Cause baby I’m just a scared and lonely rider
But I gotta know how it feels
I want to know if love is wild, babe
I want to know if love is real

– Bruce Springsteen

So I haven’t dated for 20+ years and I will admit my first date with my soon to be former husband probably would go down in history as one of the best first dates ever.

I am nervous as I don’t really know the rules. Like online dating was considered a last resort in my prime and the third date rule was pretty much set in stone.

I have learned via my fetlife and AFF days as a swinger that people can be flaky and you can’t take much at face value. People (myself included) find it easy to chat online but making an actual connection is hard. And we all lie to each other and ourselves.

I also have trust issues as I have talked to many a “separated” person only to realize that I can easily identify if they or their spouse works outside the home. It’s amazing how many people can only chat during business hours. And please don’t get me started on how frequently I hear “I am in open marriage.” It’s evidently so common now that the status should be added to the survey box you often check for single, married, divorced, widowed, or open marriage.

I also worry if my past as a swinger may bite me in the ass. Like would anyone ever trust me to be faithful to them? And will they assume I am just ready for the gang bang without a nice dinner and stiff cocktail first?

My friends have done nothing to quell my fears. I know they mean well but I have heard everything from “don’t do it on the first date if you actually like them” to “don’t be too nice or available as men only like bitches.” The former was from a man with a hall pass who wanted to get into my panties. Since we weren’t ever going to be involved, I guess he thought I’d take his advice with a grain of salt.

Evidently there’s an actual book called “Why Men Love Bitches.” I read the reviews on Amazon and gleamed it’s the basic “common sense” we have been reading in magazines since puberty and bitch is sly code for a confident woman. For some it works to play disinterested and hard to get. I really don’t think that’s the foundation of a successful relationship (but I might not be in the best position to judge).

I believe I am just too tired or honest to play these games. So I will probably let you know if I like you. And, if I want to fuck you on the first date, you will know for sure…

– The Girl


  1. Speaking from married man on his 2nd marriage. Hang in there. Dont give it out to quickly, only you will know when the time is right. Sorry to say it, be a little skeptical. As i told my son when he went overseas in th marines. Be aware of your surroundings. men do not have to know your past if you don’t wish to share it. I find it interesting and would probably ask tons of questions if we were at that stage. You haven’t met the right guy comfortable in his own self. Be patient, he is out there. Good luck. Ro


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