Open Letter to Me…

Tonight I walk with matter gone
I’m ready for
Some mystery lost and died alone
I’m highest from

Tumbling Lights come
Tumbling Lights go

– The Acid

Sometimes life gives you lemons and you really need to dig deep to make the lemonade. But today, I am most grateful that I found a doctor I cold relate to and be honest with.

When she met me a few weeks back, it was because she was the only one in my somewhat large metropolitan area with an available appointment. She met a bruised, broken woman and the ugliest of cryers. And, what I remembered was she just listened to my story and did not judge.

Today, she greeted me and told me that she was grateful to open the door and see me smiling and looking more restored.

She promptly asked about my recent trip to the Keys and I told her that I appreciated that my bathing suit covered the bruises so no one would see me as anything but normal. And she got the importance of that feeling of being able to hide in the crowd.

We joked about her short sightedness of not sending me there with yeast infection cream as my alcohol intake, the humidity and my consistently wet bathing suit was a clear recipe for disaster.

When I remarked I may have indulged too much judging by the weigh in, she had me focus more positively on my recent weight gain as not everyone is lucky that it goes straight to their boobs. But seriously my bra cups really do not need to runneth over this much!

Her greatest gift though was that she encouraged me to start focusing on little things that would make me stronger. That I take this next year to focus on me and I do it one step at a time. Even if it’s starting with drinking water (notice I didn’t say “more water”).

She asked me to cut myself some slack.

I think this was the perfect prescription as last night I remarked to my soon to be former husband that I can give everyone the pep talk but can freely shit on myself.

So starting Thursday when I turn a very sexy 50, I plan on being good to me for a change and investing in my well being. I plan to give myself the gift of grace and my attention. That I am as intentional with me as I am with my children, friends and job.

And, maybe that just starts with me remembering to pack both the sunscreen and Monistat on my upcoming trip to the sunshine state…

– The Girl